Saturday, January 28, 2012

4 Dating Types of the Dating World

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 The generations from the 80's and 90's (internet generation) in America are thus far one of the most socially progressive minded, especially the 90's. For the most part this group welcomes more social and political change and reversal of gender roles; as well as more equality and opportunities for groups once openly oppressed by race and gender.  One direct result is the evolution of the "independent woman", innately more ambitious, and another is a more competitive work force.  These economically tough times don't help, and in a city like Atlanta where women outnumber men dramatically (I've heard 10:1), it's not uncommon to hear successful or ambitious women complain that the already limited pool of potential mates is full of broke men. While there is undoubtedly some validity in these claims, not every man having economic hardships is necessarily ''broke''.

 This is a slight over-generalization but for the most part there are 4 dating mentalities in the dating world financially speaking and they have similarities that can be very ambiguous. They are those who do, those who can, those who can't, and those who dont have to.

Respectively BossesGrindersSettlers, and Leeches and you can picture them much like the Robert Kiosayki's Cash Flow Quadrant.

Bosses, or doers, are bold, happy, and making moves. They have a great network and have a plan. They're easy to spot and as it relates to the opposite sex are a commodity because they have their A game. They can take vacations, spend money, and enjoy their money as well as life. With these guys there is a certain level of accomplishment and confidence no matter if they actually work for someone or not because truth be told they're too ambitious for anyone or any situation to hold them back. The one defining aspect of these guys is that no matter what, the combination of their skill set, charm, circle of influence, or favors owed makes others feel as though they need them on their team for one reason or another- in both business and personal relationships. Often women shoot for this type of guy but he's out of their league, meaning that he's a fully self-sufficient, self-actualized, independent individual without any emotional or personal baggage. So if you're aiming here you have to have your A game.

Leeches are exactly how they sound. They are those who dont have to. They are similar to Bosses in their charm appeal but they are truly dependent on others. They bring little to nothing to the table and they create the illusion that you need them around, and for a short while you actually feel as though you do. These guys are great conversationalists and make you feel absolutely great about life having them around, and they have magnificent ideas sounding as if they have the potential to become bosses, and they do. Truthfully great guys but ultimately you can recognize these individuals by they do too much talking and not enough walking.  They intoxicate their peers and supporters with dreams of grandeur, but they won't complete the tasks which makes their ideas just that, dreams. Leeches don't have to, because they will always have someone that buys into their charm. Parents, friends, family, or the woman they're is dating at the time will tolerate them but eventually the act grows old. Eventually some of them change to become more productive members of society, but the ones who don't are always making excuses. They become the experience that turns warm hearts cold because individuals who deal with them eventually feel used. These men make a bad name for men with economic hardships who actually try to change their situations. Once you recognize this type as such, just realize you wont change him because only he can find it within himself to change, then run... the other way... really, really, fast - add one more really.

Settlers are interesting to say the least, they are those who cant. They're just worker bees, very hard workers at that, but they come from the school of thought: go to school, get good grades, and get a good job. They're great at assessing situations and going for the most stable odds, but that's the problem, they Settle for the safe option in hopes of avoiding a gamble but the real gamble is when you trust your fate to others. These individuals spend their life working for others and look at the dreams and ideas of the more creative people as just pipe dreams; they use the actions of the Leech and the fallen Grinders as evidence that you should play it safe.  Whenever life throws a wild card, boy do they suffer. Seemingly their lowest point is when they become unemployed, lose confidence, and they don't know what to do. They wait in angst for employment or "for something to happen", which is the worst aspect about these guys; that they don't usually have a plan once the proverbial shit hits the fan. Often one track minded individuals who have nothing to offer that will set them aside from the other great workers, they lack imagination and have just enough ambition to get up and do, but not enough to take exciting chances.  If he's single during this phase and he meets a lady, she may find herself frustrated by how often he uses the phrase "I aint got it", when it comes to not only spending money on her but even on himself. There's nothing wrong with dealing with this guy either because eventually he lands on his feet, just understand that and know what you're dealing with: a follower not a leader.

Grinders or Hustlers, are those who can.  For all intensive purposes, all bosses start as hustlers. They're similar to Settlers in that they are great workers but during that process they realize that they can certainly accomplish much more and become bored; they're the bold quintessential "Diamond in the Rough". These guys may even work multiple jobs for years and may never stop working for others; all the while preparing for the "what if situations" of life. They understand the need of passive income and while they will take the safe route they rarely depend on it, at least not for long. In fact, it's not uncommon for these individuals to hate/despise dependency in that they may up and quit their jobs and struggle for years to do their own thing. These guys are not always successful at their dreams either but they "get it"(whatever "it" is in their situation), they learn from their mistakes and they won't absolutely struggle at rock bottom for long; even if they never reach their goal they will ultimately be happy at what they do. These guys adapt to any situation and you can "place them anywhere on God's green earth" as Jay-Z puts it and they will triple their worth, because they CAN make things happen; once they do, boy does their stock and charm rise rapidly, it seemingly happens out of nowhere too.   These guys dont panic and they always have something going on continuously planting seeds.

 The downside is that upon first glance these individuals are hard to recognize from Leeches and Settlers , especially by a woman who has been burned a few times too many. Superficially these types seem as though they aren't making progress, and if you catch them at the wrong time they couldn't even buy you a stick of gum. They're value is truly hard to recognize because they can't always show it with money, but they likely have assets, they invest their earning and they have a drive you won't find in many others. If you recognize this type, he's definitely a keeper, just realize he's an investment. So if you genuinely like this guy give him a chance, because with a little bit of work, guidance, and help he's definitely going to accomplish "presidential" feats.  Just to give you an idea of these types: Jay-Z, Tyler Perry, Jordan, T.I, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Donald Trump. They're the guys that were once doubted or who made it out of adverse situations. Yes they're bosses now but these guys sacrificed and "grinded" very hard to accomplish what they have.

- C.Mitchell for VM

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  1. Interesting article!! I like this one. I think I fit into one of those... maybe. Or several. LOL!

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